So the past few weeks I've been reconciling that summer was over. And by doing so had to admit to myself that I really enjoyed not working with the Producer Lady. While I had been mildly stressed out- okay- frantically stressed out about how the cost of living in NYC would be affected by having one job less, I realized that there was a sense of freedom that occurred without constantly thinking about June and March.
But what has followed took me by surprise.
While I spent a great deal of time living the young 20-something life (aside: my birthday is officially 13 days from now), I would realize while I worked at B&N how much I missed those two crazies. I would see kids in the store and talk with them and joke and afterwards always have that clarifying "damn" moment after they leave. I ended up sitting for the Von Film Family for a day about 2 weeks ago, and PL had forgotten to mention to them that I would be sitting them for the day. So they woke up one at a time to see me in their new house and were so excited and happy to see me. And we were having the best day together at Washington Sq Park when it hit me...I might not be with you two for the next year. Within the past few weeks I've continued my job search to find "my calling"- which really means a full time job with benefits that will make me more or less happy- and have been having call backs and interviews. I should be elated right?!?!?!
Which makes me realize yet another point...that despite how much I have been frustrated by this job as a babysitter, the thing that made it worth while were those little boogers. And this has led me to become stuck readers, stuck in a place where I can't move forward but don't necessarily want to move backwards either. I find that now, every decision is based on whether or not they'll be fine if I leave (which I'm positive they will be...at least I know June would be) or if I really want to take a 9-5/10-6 because I have talked myself into really "loving" the fact that I can wake up late days and do as I feel. But really...I guess I'm scared of what happens to me if I leave them.
Did the Nanny from The Nanny Diaries ever feel like this?
Either way, I suppose that this is what they meant when they you're not in Kansas anymore....
Showing posts with label Doing What You Can. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Doing What You Can. Show all posts
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Friday, July 27, 2012
Oh The Tangled Lives We Lead...
This past week has been something of a cosmic dishwasher for me. Let me explain....
Loading the dirty dishes of my life, I dealt with some random life issues as any person does. Stacking clean ones back in my cabinet so to speak, I've just had to repeat the cycle. Though I opened the cafe two consecutive days this week and proceed to babysit right after, I felt slightly on autopilot. So the whole figuring-out-my-life-at-age-22 thing has been halted. Much to my chagrin...I got lazy. There. I said it.
What didn't help is when I spoke to my mother on the phone, she proceeded to list off the ways in which I have failed since college. ~sigh~. Let me amend this phrasing: my mother, like all mothers, is a worry-wart. She frets. She fusses. She sticks her nose where is most certainly isn't needed, and so when we talked about my lack of health insurance, it somehow became a conversation about my life and how I haven't found a good job, and how I'm not in school like my sister, and how it's hard to find a job ...this makes a girl who already has a deep inclination to worry a lot about what hasn't come to pass (cue Cate Blanchett as Elf Princess Galadriel from Lord of the Rings.) decide to continue to take action, even as it made her more depressed. Finishing quote of the day? Don't get discouraged. Well I wasn't till you started talking Mother Dearest (though I love you most dearly!)
So after having to force myself to apply to jobs that could set my future in motion, I applied to jobs that would hopefully push me into the art world. Wherein I landed an interview as an artist assistant that was Thursday morning (read: early-o'clock). No matter, the interview turned out really well...especially since said artist had A TURTLE NAMED MILLIE!!!!! It was probably the best part of my day and certainly that interview. As for the job...we'll see what happens.
But of course, I still think about my mother's words and how affected by them I was. Which is where my sister Le Leo told me something that I am trying to take to heart because it was just so m*therf*cking profound...she said to me that "Your life is good for you right now" and you know what...that may very well be true. Babysitting and all. I shall ruminate on this...
But seriously, sometimes it's hard figuring out what the next step- scratch that it's ALWAYS hard. Nevertheless, sometimes...the lives we lead are what we are supposed to have sometimes. Sometimes...
Loading the dirty dishes of my life, I dealt with some random life issues as any person does. Stacking clean ones back in my cabinet so to speak, I've just had to repeat the cycle. Though I opened the cafe two consecutive days this week and proceed to babysit right after, I felt slightly on autopilot. So the whole figuring-out-my-life-at-age-22 thing has been halted. Much to my chagrin...I got lazy. There. I said it.
What didn't help is when I spoke to my mother on the phone, she proceeded to list off the ways in which I have failed since college. ~sigh~. Let me amend this phrasing: my mother, like all mothers, is a worry-wart. She frets. She fusses. She sticks her nose where is most certainly isn't needed, and so when we talked about my lack of health insurance, it somehow became a conversation about my life and how I haven't found a good job, and how I'm not in school like my sister, and how it's hard to find a job ...this makes a girl who already has a deep inclination to worry a lot about what hasn't come to pass (cue Cate Blanchett as Elf Princess Galadriel from Lord of the Rings.) decide to continue to take action, even as it made her more depressed. Finishing quote of the day? Don't get discouraged. Well I wasn't till you started talking Mother Dearest (though I love you most dearly!)
So after having to force myself to apply to jobs that could set my future in motion, I applied to jobs that would hopefully push me into the art world. Wherein I landed an interview as an artist assistant that was Thursday morning (read: early-o'clock). No matter, the interview turned out really well...especially since said artist had A TURTLE NAMED MILLIE!!!!! It was probably the best part of my day and certainly that interview. As for the job...we'll see what happens.
But of course, I still think about my mother's words and how affected by them I was. Which is where my sister Le Leo told me something that I am trying to take to heart because it was just so m*therf*cking profound...she said to me that "Your life is good for you right now" and you know what...that may very well be true. Babysitting and all. I shall ruminate on this...
But seriously, sometimes it's hard figuring out what the next step- scratch that it's ALWAYS hard. Nevertheless, sometimes...the lives we lead are what we are supposed to have sometimes. Sometimes...
Monday, June 25, 2012
A Reprieve of the Not Wanted Kind...
This week may have been one of the most blistering weeks I have ever experienced in my life as I near my first year living "on my own" in New York. And folks, I don't just mean the rando-heat wave.
On Tuesday morning, I received an early phone call from my paid internship, saying that I had been replaced. {pause with me as we reflect on my life...how exactly does one get replaced at an internship???} Why? Because I apparently didn't give them enough notice about my having to leave for two weeks to do overtime whilst the parents were both shooting. Which ladies and gentlemen, I did in fact. So while I had every intention of going into work on Monday for a full two weeks of making up time I took off, well...that plan is now shot to hell.
I apparently then made it down to Tarturus (just so you know...I've been reading a lot of Percy Jackson. Which I HIGHLY recommend.) when the family I sit for decided on a whim to head to their beach house a week early before their trip to France. I may have actually balked. This therefore comes to mean...that I am literally out of work for 3ish weeks (I still work part-time as a B&N barista, but picking up spare shifts is hard to come by). This is also on top of that month long vacation in August.
After working as a professional babysitter/nanny for the past 10 months, been fired from a job (back in December) and replaced at an internship (this past week), there have been many many MANY lessons that I've learned. And many things that I wish to point out for some parents who decide to hire a personal babysitter/nanny. Here is my list, let's call it the "Babysitters' Amendments Or: Ways to Not Get Cussed Out":
1) Please respect that sleep is necessary. I like it. You like it. I need it if I am supposed to look after your kids.
2) If you don't plan to actually listen to how I'm doing with my life when you ask me, then for the love of baby Jesus DO NOT ASK.
3) If you hear me talk about struggles of making it on my own, it is NOT adequate to say "okay" or "that sucks". That is not empathy, that is privilege.
4) It is important for you to realize that while there are a growing number of young post graduates who become nannies/babysitters/mannies/etc., please know that there are many life goals we wish to accomplish before middle age. And staying with your family for a long time is not really in the cards.
5) I am not an accessory. Period. If you really have no reason for me to be with you while you are with you child/ren, I would like to leave.
6) While having an internship is swell, being able to have a job to pay your rent and bills is better. And it is a really-tall-roller-coaster-sinking-gut-feeling when you are out of work.
7) Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet when life is telling you to take a break and refigure some stuff out.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the type to really sit on my a** and mope. I just happen to search for more jobs and mope. No sense in being unproductive.
On Tuesday morning, I received an early phone call from my paid internship, saying that I had been replaced. {pause with me as we reflect on my life...how exactly does one get replaced at an internship???} Why? Because I apparently didn't give them enough notice about my having to leave for two weeks to do overtime whilst the parents were both shooting. Which ladies and gentlemen, I did in fact. So while I had every intention of going into work on Monday for a full two weeks of making up time I took off, well...that plan is now shot to hell.
I apparently then made it down to Tarturus (just so you know...I've been reading a lot of Percy Jackson. Which I HIGHLY recommend.) when the family I sit for decided on a whim to head to their beach house a week early before their trip to France. I may have actually balked. This therefore comes to mean...that I am literally out of work for 3ish weeks (I still work part-time as a B&N barista, but picking up spare shifts is hard to come by). This is also on top of that month long vacation in August.
After working as a professional babysitter/nanny for the past 10 months, been fired from a job (back in December) and replaced at an internship (this past week), there have been many many MANY lessons that I've learned. And many things that I wish to point out for some parents who decide to hire a personal babysitter/nanny. Here is my list, let's call it the "Babysitters' Amendments Or: Ways to Not Get Cussed Out":
1) Please respect that sleep is necessary. I like it. You like it. I need it if I am supposed to look after your kids.
2) If you don't plan to actually listen to how I'm doing with my life when you ask me, then for the love of baby Jesus DO NOT ASK.
3) If you hear me talk about struggles of making it on my own, it is NOT adequate to say "okay" or "that sucks". That is not empathy, that is privilege.
4) It is important for you to realize that while there are a growing number of young post graduates who become nannies/babysitters/mannies/etc., please know that there are many life goals we wish to accomplish before middle age. And staying with your family for a long time is not really in the cards.
5) I am not an accessory. Period. If you really have no reason for me to be with you while you are with you child/ren, I would like to leave.
6) While having an internship is swell, being able to have a job to pay your rent and bills is better. And it is a really-tall-roller-coaster-sinking-gut-feeling when you are out of work.
7) Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet when life is telling you to take a break and refigure some stuff out.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the type to really sit on my a** and mope. I just happen to search for more jobs and mope. No sense in being unproductive.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Ooooo...A Sick Day????!!!
Clearly not for me! :-(
But unfortunately June came down with a serious a** cold. Like...stay home from school. I was asked to come in around 11am today to stick around and hang out with June. Now granted...today was the one day where my work day starts at 3pm when I pick March up from school. And seeing as how I work crazy hours, all day everyday, I was a bit miffed. That meant that I had to wake up early...again.
But I have to say...sometimes sick days are kinda awesome. I'm hanging out with June and realized that I don't actually get to hang out with her that much from the occasional UES school pickup. Which is interesting considering I'm also technically her babysitter and not just March's. So we spent the morning and early afternoon watching really awful ABC Family movies, mainly Teen Spirit- though I have no shame in admitting that I thoroughly enjoyed Princess Protection Program. Mostly cause I like Demi Lovato for no reason.
But hanging out with June made me realize something...she just really wants to be a ten year old who has quasi-bad tastes in movies and to just chill for a little bit. Which I get. If I were on the move as much as she, I'd want a break too! Her mom (June's) wants her to have this structured life so she's constantly on the go- gymnastics, lacrosse, viola, and a whole bunch of other mess that I didn't really start till I was 14. (This is me in COMPLETE denial about how much I work and do and blahblahblahblah) So how do you deal with this- a child who wants to be a child and still work within a parents system of what works in their house? Well...I let her go "rogue" sometimes. Let her watch more movies. And laugh. And joke with around. So while I'm laughing at her and her Rusty Spoons voice, I'm having more fun than I thought. Granted, she's ten and probably had a lot of tv time for being sick (as for me my parents always worked so I was stuck in front of the idiot box ALL the time)- so when her mom, Producer Lady got home from her meeting today, she was fuming about the tv. (which is ironic seeing as how Producer Lady produces well...movies)
Now, PL and I have had to have a conversation. Once upon a time I was too strict, asking June if she finished her homework constantly, teaching them discipline through timeouts and such, etc., and PL did not like it. It was explained to me that there is already enough discipline between her, school and sports stuff- and that June is a super mature kid who can get her act together about what she needs to do, so I can leave her be and really focus on March. Therefy, that means that I am meant to be...wait for it...the FUN babysitter who gets to laugh and play with the kids! So now I have no boundary of what to do with this kid. Being with her is different than March...there is a different tactic involved.
I just...haven't figured it out yet....
But unfortunately June came down with a serious a** cold. Like...stay home from school. I was asked to come in around 11am today to stick around and hang out with June. Now granted...today was the one day where my work day starts at 3pm when I pick March up from school. And seeing as how I work crazy hours, all day everyday, I was a bit miffed. That meant that I had to wake up early...again.
But I have to say...sometimes sick days are kinda awesome. I'm hanging out with June and realized that I don't actually get to hang out with her that much from the occasional UES school pickup. Which is interesting considering I'm also technically her babysitter and not just March's. So we spent the morning and early afternoon watching really awful ABC Family movies, mainly Teen Spirit- though I have no shame in admitting that I thoroughly enjoyed Princess Protection Program. Mostly cause I like Demi Lovato for no reason.
But hanging out with June made me realize something...she just really wants to be a ten year old who has quasi-bad tastes in movies and to just chill for a little bit. Which I get. If I were on the move as much as she, I'd want a break too! Her mom (June's) wants her to have this structured life so she's constantly on the go- gymnastics, lacrosse, viola, and a whole bunch of other mess that I didn't really start till I was 14. (This is me in COMPLETE denial about how much I work and do and blahblahblahblah) So how do you deal with this- a child who wants to be a child and still work within a parents system of what works in their house? Well...I let her go "rogue" sometimes. Let her watch more movies. And laugh. And joke with around. So while I'm laughing at her and her Rusty Spoons voice, I'm having more fun than I thought. Granted, she's ten and probably had a lot of tv time for being sick (as for me my parents always worked so I was stuck in front of the idiot box ALL the time)- so when her mom, Producer Lady got home from her meeting today, she was fuming about the tv. (which is ironic seeing as how Producer Lady produces well...movies)
Now, PL and I have had to have a conversation. Once upon a time I was too strict, asking June if she finished her homework constantly, teaching them discipline through timeouts and such, etc., and PL did not like it. It was explained to me that there is already enough discipline between her, school and sports stuff- and that June is a super mature kid who can get her act together about what she needs to do, so I can leave her be and really focus on March. Therefy, that means that I am meant to be...wait for it...the FUN babysitter who gets to laugh and play with the kids! So now I have no boundary of what to do with this kid. Being with her is different than March...there is a different tactic involved.
I just...haven't figured it out yet....
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