A Moment of Frustrated Truth

I will first apologize for the radio silence that has happened in the last two or so weeks.

I apologize.

With the whole..."working two jobs thing after spending the summer staying up too late and not working much" has thrown me into a kerfuffle. Meaning I'm tired....again. After finally catching up on sleep. That...and my birthday was last friday. YAY birthday. 

This past week however was harder on the heart than it ought. Which bring to this story of a little one at the park who was elbowed in the heart yesterday. I luckily didn't laugh outrageously out loud. However the father and I bonded over the irony that was laced in her tale of woe somewhere. A short story or film even. 

Anyways, starting from Monday, I have gradually noticed that March has been having the worst kind of attitude shift. To the point where I had to have a conversation with him about what it means to be nice, to be mean, to demand things from people and the whole shebang. I tried to take into account that his dad (Daddy Camera) was planning to leaving the state for a few months on a new film project. And that little boys have random hormone developments at around age 6/7. But I have to say...this is beyond just 'boys being boys'. It got to the point were I had to have a conversation with March about his behavior and he got really upset with me when I explained to him what being nice really means to people, what being rude, and other things like entitlement. He had his moment of stomping off and didn't want to speak to me and I said okay. Go for it. You have the right to be angry, but take a moment to realize what I just told you.

So loe and behold, when Producer Lady came back, I explained to her what happened. Apparently....she doesn't do that type of discipline. (I know...here we go again...). That type of discipline? You mean the one where you talk to your child as if he is 20 as you do? Okay...so I can't do time-outs, and talking to them is discipline. I was clearly frustrated and disheartened because I have no direction to go with this kid. 

When I got home my roommates could tell something was up and I told them all the things that had happened- from him saying racist comments about random people, and myself (which TRUST me...I nipped in the bud REAL fast) to just being really rude and entitled, and Big Red said something to me that I hadn't thought about. Essentially, she told me that it sounds like March's parents want a babysitter/nanny/care-giver who isn't quite concerned about how their child development in the long term sense. And you know what...she might be right. I get so worried about how March's behavior now will get him into some serious pickles in the future, and...maybe I shouldn't. But then what kind of person am I then????

And So the Madness Ensues...

I'm not sure why the post decided to upload itself with nothing on it.

Buuuuuutttttt....that's the story of my life isn't it?!?!?!?!

Anyways, today (not Wednesday) was the start of the ways of the von Film Family. Both June and March started their first full days and it served as a reminder why I stopped working out so much on my own. Between running errands and running to pick up playdates and running with boys and running through traffic- I get my cardio.

However, yesterday (Wednesday, not today) served as a visceral reminder as to why I sometimes...okay often don't like this job. As I went to pick up June from her friends new town house which has six floors, an elevator and an informal kitchen (did anyone else know you could have an informal f*cking kitchen? Cause I didn't). Whatever. Anyways, I go to pick her up, and chat with her lovely mother. The conversation went something like this:

Townhouse Mom: Oh Hi! How are you?
Me: Oh good, how are you?
TM: Stressed.
Me: Yeah, I know moving can be brutal.
TM: Seriously. You know I heard from Producer Lady that you might be leaving...is it true? What's happening?
Me: (paused in conversation cause I had no idea anyone knew about anything...about my life) Well...I'm trying to figure out my next step, you know...potential graduate schools and job opportunities.

and the conversation continues. Apparently, PL got it in her head to tell everyone she knows that I am trying to jump ship. Why is my life on the open forum board? Because that gentlefolk....is the life of a NYC babysitter. Welcome back to school.......oye.

To Full Time or Not to Full Time...or Hamlet...you didn't REALLY have problems hon...

So the past few weeks I've been reconciling that summer was over. And by doing so had to admit to myself that I really enjoyed not working with the Producer Lady. While I had been mildly stressed out- okay- frantically stressed out about how the cost of living in NYC would be affected by having one job less, I realized that there was a sense of freedom that occurred without constantly thinking about June and March.

But what has followed took me by surprise.

While I spent a great deal of time living the young 20-something life (aside: my birthday is officially 13 days from now), I would realize while I worked at B&N how much I missed those two crazies. I would see kids in the store and talk with them and joke and afterwards always have that clarifying "damn" moment after they leave. I ended up sitting for the Von Film Family for a day about 2 weeks ago, and PL had forgotten to mention to them that I would be sitting them for the day. So they woke up one at a time to see me in their new house and were so excited and happy to see me. And we were having the best day together at Washington Sq Park when it hit me...I might not be with you two for the next year. Within the past few weeks I've continued my job search to find "my calling"- which really means a full time job with benefits that will make me more or less happy- and have been having call backs and interviews. I should be elated right?!?!?!

Which makes me realize yet another point...that despite how much I have been frustrated by this job as a babysitter, the thing that made it worth while were those little boogers. And this has led me to become stuck readers, stuck in a place where I can't move forward but don't necessarily want to move backwards either. I find that now, every decision is based on whether or not they'll be fine if I leave (which I'm positive they will be...at least I know June would be) or if I really want to take a 9-5/10-6 because I have talked myself into really "loving" the fact that I can wake up late days and do as I feel. But really...I guess I'm scared of what happens to me if I leave them.

Did the Nanny from The Nanny Diaries ever feel like this?

Either way, I suppose that this is what they meant when they you're not in Kansas anymore....

Week 3ish....Making Powerful Decisions

I sometimes find it weird how much I like kids.

Seeing as how I'll be turning 23 next month, sometimes I have to talk to my biological clock and tell it to simmer the f*ck down because I am barely an adult! I often notice this when I am working at B&N and find an insanely cute baby/child/babychild that looks at me with the "Friend or Foe" look. You know the look. You smile and wave at the little person and they give you that big blank stare with the semi frown. It almost looks the same as when they are pooping in their diaper and can't figure out what that wet sensation is. The face gentle people looks akin to this face

Anyways, I have about two more weeks of filling up my time with picking up shifts and grad school research. But I'm wondering...should I go full time at B&N? Serious decisions are afoot....

A Story of the Jobless, the Hungry, and the Wild Expectations of Mothers.

...I wonder if it would be malicious if I somehow found a full time job, w/ benefits, before the end of August JUST so that I say to the family I babysit for..."Sorry, I'm pulling a Nanny McPhee and getting the f*ck outta here. BYE!!!" I feel that a great satisfaction/vindication would come out of such a glorious moment.

It's okay...you can tell me I'm a horrible person. I think that sometimes.

All I know is...is that it is week two of not working steadily and my bank account is feeling IT. And if you knew me personally, I'm not one to lavishly spend money on myself or things I want and/or need. (please revisit the last post if you have not learned of my broke post-collegiate ways...) So it's been kinda tough. Meaning....-sigh- I'm job hunting. Still...

Anyway, about the lavishly spending money part. So last night after an extra shift I picked up at B&N, I went out to dinner with a friend of mine whom you've met on this blog, Awesome Friend! (HI Awesome Friend!!!!) Awesome Friend continues to be her namesake because of not only our disregard towards our former internship that we shared together, but because she tells me about awesome food places. This time, it was a Latin American restaurant in Brooklyn called Bogota (as in Columbia, yes.) The food? Amazing. The caparinhas? PHENOMENAL! Anyways, over deliciousness that was entering our mouths, we talked about life, job hunting, and friends who babysit for a living like myself. And now... I have a story for you that I learned from AF.

There once was a girl name Graduate. Who babysat in the Hamptons. "Her" family decided that she wasn't needed for a while so they set her free, never letting on if she would be needed again. She found another part time job and immediately was told by the Lady Mother of the family that "something came up" and that they needed her desperately. Alas, young Graduate was unavailable to work at such times needed by the matriarch of the family. When she humbly revealed such conflict to the Lady Mother, she exclaimed with great distain how Graduate must learn "to not selfish and think only of herself, as the family needs her". Graduate was overcome with hurt, and because she was timid, uttered nay an ill-formed word upon the horror that was...the Lady Mother. The End.

Crazy isn't it? And that's a true story. Now...this is actually what goes on in maybe mother's heads when they find that their babysitter isn't available. I've had Producer Lady tell she'll freak out if one day told her that I had to leave their service on many occasions.

As you read this...I hope you know that I would love to see that moment. I know...{slaps hand} I'm a bad person. But THAT...is bad employer-ship. Whatever.

Let's Throw in Some TAAAACOOOOOOSSSSSSS!

It has been a few days since my last post, and as always, my life is full of fadiculousity (note: fadiculousity= f*cking+ridiculousity. Can also be used as 'fadiculous').

This week culminates the end of week one in "So Haydee we as a family are going to our Beach House so we won't need you till about oh September..." for my babysitting job. If you are brand new to this blog, this is not the first mention of this month long I dunno what the f*ck I will do. So what HAVE I done exactly during this week? Well...stay up till 5 in the morning with my roommates making puzzles and stuff of course!!!! Respectively my roommates are Big Red whom you've met before, The Yakki, and Oaklie- Oaklie is a new addition to the house hailing from Oakland whom we LOVE and knew from college, and Happy Feet who was asleep. If she knew I named her Happy Feet for this blog she might beat me with her dance shoes...

But puzzlement aside, this has been part of a larger stress induced month. I don't work that often in the café at B&N. So on top of financial worries, I am also starting to work on my graduate school applications. Holy crap!!!!! I know. I've been working on my photo company and such and have to tell you, I'm getting excited. I updated my camera from a Canon Powershot SX 20 IS to my dreamy new Canon EOS Rebel T3 that came with not one but TWO lenses. *shivers from excitement*. Anyways, this is a beautiful camera that does so much more than my wonderful camera Binky. Yes it's name is Binky. And I type this blog on Lucinda de Mac aka Indi. Make something of it.

Anyhow, the second reason for this upgrade is for my pending photo projects that I need to complete for my portfolio and grad school applications.

What all of this means is that August has turned into a month where I can actually do this I love and need to get done. I was explaining this to a fellow internshipper like myself who I met up for lunch with earlier today. Her name (she hath dubbed herself)- Awesome Friend. Which is true. I don't see her enough. She lives far form me and I and sad. We also talk about food a LOT to each other so she is my other other Fat Soul Mate. (First and foremost will always be Big Red)  So Awesome Friend and I went for...you guessed it...TACCCCCCOOOOOOOS (insert Nacho Libre voice- a seriously underrated film by Jack Black. It's stupid funny). 1) the tacos were delicious. 2) for the twenty minutes that we were together, we had a phenomenal time.

I'll stop here. It's hot out and I'm getting sleepy....

Oh The Tangled Lives We Lead...

This past week has been something of a cosmic dishwasher for me. Let me explain....

Loading the dirty dishes of my life, I dealt with some random life issues as any person does. Stacking clean ones back in my cabinet so to speak, I've just had to repeat the cycle. Though I opened the cafe two consecutive days this week and proceed to babysit right after, I felt slightly on autopilot. So the whole figuring-out-my-life-at-age-22 thing has been halted. Much to my chagrin...I got lazy. There. I said it.

What didn't help is when I spoke to my mother on the phone, she proceeded to list off the ways in which I have failed since college. ~sigh~. Let me amend this phrasing: my mother, like all mothers, is a worry-wart. She frets. She fusses. She sticks her nose where is most certainly isn't needed, and so when  we talked about my lack of health insurance, it somehow became a conversation about my life and how I haven't found a good job, and how I'm not in school like my sister, and how it's hard to find a job ...this makes a girl who already has a deep inclination to worry a lot about what hasn't come to pass (cue Cate Blanchett as Elf Princess Galadriel from Lord of the Rings.) decide to continue to take action, even as it made her more depressed. Finishing quote of the day? Don't get discouraged. Well I wasn't till you started talking Mother Dearest (though I love you most dearly!)

So after having to force myself to apply to jobs that could set my future in motion, I applied to jobs that would hopefully push me into the art world. Wherein I landed an interview as an artist assistant that was Thursday morning (read: early-o'clock). No matter, the interview turned out really well...especially since said artist had A TURTLE NAMED MILLIE!!!!! It was probably the best part of my day and certainly that interview. As for the job...we'll see what happens.

But of course, I still think about my mother's words and how affected by them I was. Which is where my sister Le Leo told me something that I am trying to take to heart because it was just so m*therf*cking profound...she said to me that "Your life is good for you right now" and you know what...that may very well be true. Babysitting and all. I shall ruminate on this...

But seriously, sometimes it's hard figuring out what the next step- scratch that it's ALWAYS hard. Nevertheless, sometimes...the lives we lead are what we are supposed to have sometimes. Sometimes...

Sometimes...A Drink is in Order...

Today's post will mostly be about me. I know I know....but what about March and June? Welp, if you happened to troll through the random description of this blog conveniently located to your right, sometimes I will take the full opportunity to talk about being a 20-something year old in New York. The first thing that comes to mind is that with the fadiculous (note: fadiculous= f*cking+ ridiculous) amount of people that live in NYC, it is still surprisingly lonely. But that's for later.

SO...I think I'll start with how I had a job interview today. Granted, it is a temporary position, but I WILL keep my hopes alive and will hopefully get the job. That being said...I thought it was a great big old sign that a HUGE freak thunderstorm occurred right when I needed to pick up March and June from the camp bus stop. Which was promptly proceeded with hail stones. Yes...in NYC, hail storms the size of dimes. And yes...I did get hit....


Anyways, after a lax day with the tykes, I found myself in a yoga class (Yoga To The People is a great outlet for stress and body movement when you don't have monies. It's donation based so you give what you can...) and hung out with a friend of mine from college. *gAsP!* I know...I still see people my own age- and it is AWESOME. Let's call this friend...Boy Wonder. Yes. Right, so he and I hung out for drinks and you know what, it got me thinking...about how NYC can be super lonely, and make you think about things you wish to the high heavens you didn't. But what was great was that we talked about things I never really get the chance to talk about, even with my roommates, like bouts of "hoomygawd what the HELL am I doing?!?!?!?!". Mostly because I don't actually see my roommates all that often because we work odd hours of each other, and partly because I am a turtle and my room is a big old shell. Either way, it was also nice to reconnect with someone from college who I knew, but am getting to know. And is outside the BGU household. (FYI: BGU= Brown Girls United. This is what we have dubbed our house...) But honestly, how does one survive that drought of lonely that drags it's muddy shoes onto you doorstep, and what do you do once it decides it won't leave? Well gentlefolk, I guess you pour yourself a drink-or have the nice bartender do it for you...cause that could be messy....

When Every Day Feels Like Monday

I've noticed recently that there is that moment everyone has when they forget which day it is.  You know, when you wake up thinking that Friday when really it's just Tuesday or Sunday feels like Thursday.

If you haven't guessed it, this is the moment where I say 'Every day feels like Monday'.

Well...that's because it does.

The concept of weekends/days off is incredibly new to me. I worked weekends in high school, then college, because back then, I choose to, to make a bit of extra money for expenses. Too bad those expenses were not as dire as I once thought. {insert ponder bubble here as I look up forlorningly to the right}. These days, I have to work weekends just to make ends meet. I however, am not the first of my generation who has had to suffer through the weekend to pay bills {see note: TWO JOBS}. There are tons of articles about the rise of people having to work weekends and such. Anyways, back to the real point on hand....


I started babysitting again last night. And as much as I try to be uber blasé about it, I really missed March and June. I picked them up from the bus stop of their day camp, and took them for some FroYo. (Yes...I said FroYo...aka...Frozen Yogurt... like a 90s pop baby. Whatever). To which we spent all of our time laughing and talking about their trip to France and their first day at camp. Our genuine excitement about seeing each other even went so far as us making up a dance routine together where March was "breakdancing", June and I were his backup dancers, and Daddy Camera was surprised at our awesome dance skills.  The kids were also super excited to show me the souvenir they got me, which was...an Eiffel Tower keychain. You don't know this, neither did they, but I collect keychains from places I go, so it fit right in with my other keychains in my collection! (I know...I'm a nerd...but I'm ADORABLE so it's okay)


Needless to say, this excitement may not last, but who knows....o_O. Either way...Mondays don't seem too too bad (though my sleep pattern is f***ed up ROYALLY)

I Will Survive If Gloria Gaynor Lets Me!!!!

Week One has passed dear readers, and I have not died.

Seeing as how my last post was in June, I have to say a lot and equally nothing has happened since July rolled around. I decided to actually view this "abandonment of my job" as an actual vacation. And I can honestly say I had forgotten what a vacation feels like. I haven't technically had one in years, so this is a new and strange feeling for me honestly. The being idle...the free time...ability to do laundry....but it's been really good! I remembered that there are things that I haven't done in forever...like sleep. Or perform as an artist (I had a show last night) or hang out with my twenty-something year old friends  (I forgot people my age existed!) or even...dare I say it...be lazy and watch a stupid amount of television and go to movies.

This may come a shock to you, but I generally have a hard time giving myself time to relax and recoop. So alas...I am just hanging out the days I don't barista. Which I have to say is nice. And besides...my bed has missed me so....

A Reprieve of the Not Wanted Kind...

This week may have been one of the most blistering weeks I have ever experienced in my life as I near my first year living "on my own" in New York. And folks, I don't just mean the rando-heat wave.

On Tuesday morning, I received an early phone call from my paid internship, saying that I had been replaced. {pause with me as we reflect on my life...how exactly does one get replaced at an internship???} Why? Because I apparently didn't give them enough notice about my having to leave for two weeks to do overtime whilst the parents were both shooting. Which ladies and gentlemen, I did in fact. So while I had every intention of going into work on Monday for a full two weeks of making up time I took off, well...that plan is now shot to hell.

I apparently then made it down to Tarturus (just so you know...I've been reading a lot of Percy Jackson. Which I HIGHLY recommend.) when the family I sit for decided on a whim to head to their beach house a week early before their trip to France. I may have actually balked. This therefore comes to mean...that I am literally out of work for 3ish weeks (I still work part-time as a B&N barista, but picking up spare shifts is hard to come by). This is also on top of that month long vacation in August.

After working as a professional babysitter/nanny for the past 10 months, been fired from a job (back in December) and replaced at an internship (this past week), there have been many many MANY lessons that I've learned. And many things that I wish to point out for some parents who decide to hire a personal babysitter/nanny.  Here is my list, let's call it the "Babysitters' Amendments Or: Ways to Not Get Cussed Out":

1) Please respect that sleep is necessary. I like it. You like it. I need it if I am supposed to look after your kids.

2) If you don't plan to actually listen to how I'm doing with my life when you ask me, then for the love of baby Jesus DO NOT ASK.

3) If you hear me talk about struggles of making it on my own, it is NOT adequate to say "okay" or "that sucks". That is not empathy, that is privilege.

4) It is important for you to realize that while there are a growing number of young post graduates who become nannies/babysitters/mannies/etc., please know that there are many life goals we wish to accomplish before middle age. And staying with your family for a long time is not really in the cards.

5) I am not an accessory. Period. If you really have no reason for me to be with you while you are with you child/ren, I would like to leave.

6) While having an internship is swell, being able to have a job to pay your rent and bills is better. And it is a really-tall-roller-coaster-sinking-gut-feeling when you are out of work.

7) Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet when life is telling you to take a break and refigure some stuff out.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not the type to really sit on my a** and mope. I just happen to search for more jobs and mope. No sense in being unproductive.

When All Else Fails...Chuck Some Water.

Yesterday and Tuesday turned out to be one of those days where many things went wrong at once.

Tuesday I wake up from a fitful slumber (it started getting hot man....good lord) to find a barrage of emails and phone calls which I promptly rubbed the sleepies from my eyes (who's really going to see me??) and cleared my throat (tres sexy). After making a second phone call, I spoke with one of my managers with my internship.

Conclusion: I had been "replaced". Replaced means fired in case you are unawares.

All I could think was...this is a load of bullsh*t. Why you might be asking was I replaced? I supposedly gave not no notice about my having to work a crazy amount of hours because the parents were filming. Mind you...I did.

So what happened next? I pouted. A LOT. I mean holy cow really? Just when I was starting to get somewhere with my life. And of course...the folks I babysit don't actually care about what happens in my life. Mostly because I'm only 22 and "hey you'll make it, we have better things to do than make sure you can pay rent and stuff oh by the way can you pick up June at..." So they don't actually know I've been fired. Also...turns out they are leaving for their family trip a week earlier than they told me. Oh...did I not mention that before? Yeah...they're awesome. {eyerolls hideously at the complete lack of consideration}.

Anyways, with the start of the random-a** heatwave, I realized I was getting overwhelming sad (again), anxious (not the first time) and overheated. Which is why I took March to the Waterpark near Chelsea Piers yesterday. And I tell you....I had a lot of fun. Throwing water at a child and having beaucoup amounts of H2O propelled right back at you while running around like a manic, helped sort some things out. Like how to dry your denim shorts really really fast. So while we were sitting under some shade, eating Turbo Rocket Pops (okay...for all of those born BEFORE 2000...we know them as Firecrackers- the red, white and blue pops), I realized that eventually, we're always coming back to square one.

Finding A Dodgeball...

I swear March is a masochist at heart.

Let me start at the beginning....

Because both of March and June's parents are filming, I was asked to put in some overtime with them. This means that I am doing two overnights with them. Anyways, today being the first day, I spent the majority of my time with June (March had a half-day so Producer Lady went to pick him up after an early morning meeting). And if you are new to this blog, you will learn that secretly (and moreso openly) I think that June is an awesome kiddo. She's 11, super smart and ridiculously funny. Like...Tracy Ullman funny. Anyway, I was supposed to figure out ways to occupy her time while March was in school. Taking her literally around the world- by that I mean all over Greenwich Village and Union Square- to stores ranging from Old Navy to J-Crew (did anyone else know J-Crew was HELLA expensive?!?!?!) and my favorite stop: Barnes and Noble.

So with an excess of books in tow, we came back to the apt and played a serious amount of Uno which is my staple as a babysitter! It's super easy to play and kids pick it up really fast. I noticed it also fast tracks young kids to learn matching, colors, adding and sportsmanship. Note that we also made sock puppets! (photos coming soon!) So we were playing and of course, G still had Hebrew homework to do so I played with March. And I kid you not...this child demanded we play Dodgeball.

I wish I could say I adamantly said "No, of course we can't play Dodgeball. It's too dangerous".
Clearly I didn't.

I also wish I could tell you that I didn't intentionally throw the ball at him. Hard.
....Not all the time.

There...I said it. -shrug- I say it builds constitution.

Since I'll be with them for 24/7 just about, we also started working on their homemade Father's Day gift. I threw around some ideas with the kids because their dad (Daddy Camera)  has pretty much everything. So I mentioned mayhaps doing a photo collage with pictures of the two of them together around the apt, outside, as well as old pictures with a letter in the center. They loved the idea and so did Producer Lady so that's what we've been working on on and off during the day (with me acting as paparazzi!)

Needless to say we are excited about how it will turn out. And so we shall end the day watching Finding Nemo.

Parties are fun...

...especially when you're not invited.

That's actually part true. Now you see, Friday was June's birthday party, even though her birthday isn't until the end of the month (for those of you who don't know she turns 11). For her actual birthday- June and her family will be in Europe for two weeks. Take time to process this. *solemn head nod* Welp, I had the good fortune of "helping" set up for the birthday party at this shwanky restaurant where many of the dishes were not only made of or with chocolate, but were also at least $18 a dish. Yes...again this girl was turning 11.

Anyways, there is something to be said about walking down the street with 11 helium-filled ballons. It made me feel vaguely like this...

                                                 (image is by British graffiti artist Banksy)

And it was WINDY down in Union Sq. Of course, with balloons in tow- or rather lead-, we rendezvous at the restaurant. With 8 seriously chatty 11-13 year old girls and Producer Lady looking highly frazzled, I had to go upstairs to tie a balloon to every chair. By the time I got to the 7th chair I about needed SEVERAL stiff drinks. Mainly because I was tying balloons while girls were moving around chairs. (the heart on the mirror ...not my doing. I don't get paid that much)

At the end of this incredible ordeal, I sat down with March who was beyond moody that day (moreso than usual- in all likelihood it was probably because the day wasn't about him which is something he's NOT fond of...) and drank a glass of water. To which Producer Lady asked me to bring home some gifts. Damn. REALLY?! Like...five minutes woman please! I was offered to come back to have dinner with them for fun, but being that English major I was/am, I read between the lines which were the same as high school- "Like...you can come if you want, but you don't really have to so... you don't have to come back. If you want". So...I left for my weekend to visit my parents in Jersey. But not before I had myself a delicious doctored Mojito.

Lesson of the day: Some invitations, aren't invitations, and while being 11 was awesome when you WERE 11, being around them is an awful sight to behold. *shivers*.

So sometimes my job equals

AWESOMNESS!

*coughcough* only sometimes.

But there are days I leave the family I babysit for really happy (and not just happy to leave). Today is one of those days. You see, I believe I mentioned a few posts ago that the mom was a producer. Hence Producer Lady. I may have failed to mention that the father/the husband is a cinematographer. *waves* Hey Daddy Camera. Daddy Camera is very good at what he does- which is why he's never really around. But we shall get to that later.

So when I picked March up from school, I had a busy day at my internship. And it was gooey out. Foggy, misty, monsooning you name it. I was really ready to go back to the den and hang out with March, perhaps try baking those cookies I royally f***ed up two days ago by putting far too much baking power. Bleh. Anyways, March saw me and started to grin. "Aw he's happy to see me!" was not the response I should've had (though he actually WAS, he was more excited about what comes next). I get to him and he tells me he wants to visit his dad on set. Me being who I am, I never trust those kids as far as I can throw 'em. So I checked in with Producer Lady and she thought it was a swell idea.

Let me now mention that Daddy Camera is the director for the USA show White Collar. Yes-you may take a pause, cause I know I did when I found out. *moment of omg sanctioned*

So March and I walked our way over to the set. March was excited about seeing papa bear. I was quietly thanking all my baby Jesuses that this could happen. Now let me come correct- this isn't the first time I've brought the little man to a film set, and I tend not to be starstruck. But have you SEEN the man who plays Neil Caffrey aka Matt Bomer? Holy craaaap. If not...that's him. Down there. Yes...scroll to the bottom of the page. I can wait. {Waits} All I can really say is that meeting him...was almost like watching some serious HD tv. I think I might have kept going cross-eyed. I know I didn't look at him very much. But damn is he pretty. And as my sister Le Leo told me "that man has some SWAG!" Definition of swag for those of you who don't know is the following courtesy of urbandictionary.com- yes I quantify UD as a legitamate source- (my favorite definition attempt):

Swag adj: the way one carries thyself, especially in sexual appeal or "go get 'em" style. (I added the last part which I'm so adding to UD)
Favorite example:
.....
"I'm digging that strut son, I like your swag"
"Thanks Dad"
.....

Either way, Neil Caffrey touched me, looked deep into my eyes, I forgot I got a college degree, and internally woofed at how awesome my day was. Yup. Just another typical day...

Legos My...Legos.

So I spend a lot of my time with March. By a lot I mean probably 15+ hours a week, give or take a weekday or few hours (note: I don't do the babysitting on the weekends. It's called I need time with "grown ups").

So what does this mean?

This means I spend a lot of time getting in touch with my inner 7 year old boy.  Usually, I have to figure out a way keep the little guy occupado- meaning I bust out my array of awesome quasi athletic abilities (he saw me finally throw a football full out across a blacktop at the park and he was enamored!), artsy-craftsy type ingenuity and most of all, my completely lack of architectural genius when it comes to building legos.

Now the thing about legos is that they're small. Yes we all know this D.Babysitter, why are you talking about it? Well...my hands are rather large in comparison to a six year old's, SO- those little f**king legos are and have been my worst enemy. Until recently. Now you see, I have to somehow be bury this growing animosity for legos like the lost city of Pompeii (this means violently and rapidly). But after about 8 months of being forced to play with legos, I've learned a few things:

1) March is kind of an architectural genius...for his age. The things he thinks about building are pretty awesome, and besides they're mostly Star Wars related and EVERYONE loves Star Wars. It would also explain a great deal about his being socially awkward...the artist soul young one has [Yoda voice].

2) That legos are actually pretty damn cool and so is the stuff people build with them. Especially this guy here...

3) Lego building...is REALLY cathartic. Seriously.

Now...I'm no pro, and don't really do the whole architecture thing, but alas, I'm starting to find that I have a good time. And I built this. Don't ask me what it is...cause I don't know. -shrug-

So THIS is what I do????

I had a dawning moment yesterday.

While I was at the kids media company that I work for, I sometimes Google. Mainly work for them...but like the devil it is...I google stuff that tickles my fancy. ANYWAYS. I was googling for a holiday we're doing, and lo and behold I came across an article for moms, about what a nanny is.

Now being the delightfully charming skeptic I am, I only thought "what's the difference?!" So I looked with gusto. I almost wish I hadn't. Now, I tend to post a lot of articles which I KNOW most of you won't read. Not that you can't. But really why, you're already reading, that's an extra click yaddyyaddaya....I'll paraphrase the article from eHow.com (now whether I trust the validity of eHow, but they taught me how to make a delicious macchiato so I'll run with it)

They defined the difference between a nanny and a babysitter as follows.
Nanny: "A nanny usually is more involved with children for a major part of the day on a regular basis. The Nanny Network website says the responsibility of a nanny is to “partner with the parents to help raise their charges to be responsible, competent young men and women."

Babysitter: "Sitters are typically more focused on child care rather than home management, and you can run into problems when you try to make your baby sitter perform duties outside of her normal routine."

Now...what dawned on me is that I have somewhere over the last few months, especially the last 4, have straddled the line between nanny and babysitter. Which is kind of difficult especially if there are "roadblocks" as to what I can and can't do with June and March. So does that make me a nannitter? or a banny? Oh whatever....*insert grumpy face*

Ooooo...A Sick Day????!!!

Clearly not for me! :-(

But unfortunately June came down with a serious a** cold. Like...stay home from school. I was asked to come in around 11am today to stick around and hang out with June. Now granted...today was the one day where my work day starts at 3pm when I pick March up from school. And seeing as how I work crazy hours, all day everyday, I was a bit miffed. That meant that I had to wake up early...again.

But I have to say...sometimes sick days are kinda awesome. I'm hanging out with June and realized that I don't actually get to hang out with her that much from the occasional UES school pickup. Which is interesting considering I'm also technically her babysitter and not just March's.  So we spent the morning and early afternoon watching really awful ABC Family movies, mainly Teen Spirit- though I have no shame in admitting that I thoroughly enjoyed Princess Protection Program. Mostly cause I like Demi Lovato for no reason.

But hanging out with June made me realize something...she just really wants to be a ten year old who has quasi-bad tastes in movies and to just chill for a little bit. Which I get. If I were on the move as much as she, I'd want a break too! Her mom (June's) wants her to have this structured life so she's constantly on the go- gymnastics, lacrosse, viola, and a whole bunch of other mess that I didn't really start till I was 14. (This is me in COMPLETE denial about how much I work and do and blahblahblahblah) So how do you deal with this- a child who wants to be a child and still work within a parents system of what works in their house? Well...I let her go "rogue" sometimes. Let her watch more movies. And laugh. And joke with around. So while I'm laughing at her and her Rusty Spoons voice, I'm having more fun than I thought. Granted, she's ten and probably had a lot of tv time for being sick (as for me my parents always worked so I was stuck in front of the idiot box ALL the time)- so when her mom, Producer Lady got home from her meeting today, she was fuming about the tv. (which is ironic seeing as how Producer Lady produces well...movies)

Now, PL and I have had to have a conversation. Once upon a time I was too strict, asking June if she finished her homework constantly, teaching them discipline through timeouts and such, etc., and PL did not like it. It was explained to me that there is already enough discipline between her, school and sports stuff- and that June is a super mature kid who can get her act together about what she needs to do, so I can leave her be and really focus on March. Therefy, that means that I am meant to be...wait for it...the FUN babysitter who gets to laugh and play with the kids! So now I have no boundary of what to do with this kid. Being with her is different than March...there is a different tactic involved.

I just...haven't figured it out yet....

How Not to Call the Child You Babysit a BAD Word...

*frustrated sigh*

I have to sometimes remember children are children and don't understand grown up logic sometimes, despite the "grown up" language we use with them. One of my roommates, let's call her Big Red (hehehe...she is going to HATE me....but I relish the impending doom that awaits when I get home) had to tell me that after an emotionally and physically long day.

Remember when I told you I work three jobs? Well I was at the media company and had just a really rough headspace there and back. Though it should be said...if you want an unexpected workout, become an intern. Walking everywhere...WOWZAS, thighs and gluts of STEEL people! {blinks} Back to the point, I left the office just not wanting to do much but go home on a gloomy day and curl up to watch some Eureka and read my awesome book of the day: Sam Bourne's The Righteous Men. So when I got to March's house, I waited for an hour for March and his mom Producer Lady to get home. And wouldn't you know it...March was in a nasty mood.

Reason? Because he couldn't get a yogurt smoothie that his friend had at lunch. I know. I forget what it was like when I was six. But he was in such a blue state of mind that he actually became downright rude and didn't want to speak or play activities with me for nearly the entirety of the time I was with him, which averages about 3.5/4 hours a day Monday-Friday. So while I was PISSED, cause while he was upset at the smoothie, his mom brought him an excessive amount of potato chips to placate him, and he was still rude. Maybe it's a product of my own childhood, but when I didn't get something I wanted, I just dealt with it. This my friends, is not the case. Either way, he was still an unhappy little bug and I was really not having it.

So I did something unexpected. Which was not speaking also. Usually I tried cocking him with a game of Go Fish or I-Declare-War which always cheers him up. But for some reason, I felt that there was a lesson to be learned in here somewhere. So I decided to make myself a nice little construction paper collage which was amazing if I do say so myself. This also gave me a chance to curse him out in my head. Repeatedly. And I have to state that it was an amazing catharsis. Really. But what ended up being interesting was that March began testing me to see if I was noticing him. And I was...but I was really about taking care of me. Him mom was home so he would go and bug her then look at what I was doing. After about an hr of this...he finally wants to give his input about my collage. I said "thanks, but no thanks, I don't really talk to people who don't want to talk to me." With that he began to understand what he was doing. I hadn't planned on it, but we finally had a conversation about what it means to be rude, and to also learn that just because you don't get what you want doesn't mean you can be gloomy and unpersonable about it.

In any case, I got an awesome collage out of it and time to think about my life and how I need to also not pull a March- to not let everything get me down. Art isn't just about keeping a child creative and engaged, it's about keep thy sanity. I find this a win/win non?!

Until next time.

And When They Think They Got You...or Don't Start Things When You Shouldn't

Imagine you're at a bar, or a red glow-lit coffeehouse, or even a cute little bookstore.

You walk in and scope the scene for old friends for a new evening. Drinking and laughing, you turn your head and see someone that knocks the breathe out of your diaphragm. Hard. You're all excited. The two of you chat and figure out you gel together and can see a good, long future together.

Now...let's replace the bar with a park, that book with a stroller, and that drink with a cellphone
...this is what happens in the mind of a mother of several kids as she meets a new babysitter.

I'm serious. Apparently it is hard these days for New York moms to find a decent babysitter. But let's backtrack a little bit. I happen to work not one, not two, but three jobs (sh*t gets serial people trying to make ends meet but rest assured I DO sleep. Some of the time....), one of those jobs being with a kids media company in Union Sq. (I sense a trend in your life D.Babysitter....kids all the time???) My boss asked me if I take any gigs on the weekend. My general rule is no. If I spend the majority of my week with children, I want to at least pretend to have grown-up time with bigger people. And I sometimes work on the weekends courtesy of B&N. But, I wasn't doing anything, and having a little bit of extra pocket money makes everyone happy so I accepted a Sunday gig, especially cause it was in the morning.

Now her kids were pretty awesome. Two boys ages 7 and 4.5. So 7 was really mature for his age (which seems to happen when you grow up in New York) and 4.5 just talked a lot. Wow. Both loved playing together which made things a lot easier since the age gap was smaller so they know how to be with each other unlike March and June. So for the four hours I was with them, we played indoor soccer and a mega game of Uno. With two decks. (Uno Awesome? YEEESSSSSSS) and had a foot race to the corner store. Tip: If you're concerned about working out...just have a foot race with a small child. They get tired faster than you think and you get a serious cardio work out. Yippee!

So that night when I got home, I get this text asking if I could be "booked" for a few more weekends cause her kids loved me. And I got mad. Who was this woman who wanted all of my time and assumed I could/wanted to babysit? Now I work on the weekends and don't necessarily have free time. Not even for myself let alone to babysit. No matter how much money I may need. So having "declined" the next few dates she offered and after trying to help her find a new sitter, I realized something. Moms who find a babysitter that they can't keep is like finding a potential suitor who has to leave the country the next day; you know that there was "something" there, but, it is ultimately still a rejection. It's a serious investment for them and that makes sense. Inviting someone to engage with your children is a tricky business, especially a babysitter who is really good at what they do and makes your kids laugh and have fun. Feelings get hurt, blah blah blah, but this was an important lesson for me. Sometimes...it's better to say no so that you don't start something you can't finish. Or end up with more people to babysit besides well...yourself. :-/

Language My Dear...is Everything.

"Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting."

~Peter Finley Dunne, Mr. Dooley's Opinions, 1900

Holy hell can kids curse....

Since the weather in the New York region was phenomenal this past week, I spent the beginning of this week picking March up from school and taking him to the park to burn off some impish energy. (Yes I called March an imp...and yes I am okay with that. And no you may not be...) Tuesday was no exception- we stayed in his school's play yard, with him walking around shooting a rub band gun (completely NOT my fault, though I warned him about the dangers of causing irreversible retinal damage if he wasn't careful) and myself collecting a tan. 

Anyhow, I was sitting, minding my own business- okay that was a lie I was watching BBC's Luther on my Android which is GREAT (oh Idris Elba.....*swoon*)- when I saw  some older school boys playing soccer and one was accidentally pushed to the ground in slow motion. Story goes said boy got a hand flung to the face. I know I shouldn't laugh but that was slightly amusing. What wasn't amusing was the first thing that came out of his mouth when he stared up at his friends from the ground:

"What the f*ck man?! What the f*ck?!!?!?!" -here he gestured wildly-

The only way I could react was internally thinking (though very loudly) "Aren't you ten? What f*cks do you have to give?" But it got me thinking. Dangerous I know. It got me thinking about how I've noticed more and more often that March has taken to saying "ass", "damn", "dang" and on the occasion "f*ck" and "sh*t" and laughing about it whenever I make a face. Now I've been trying to work on this with a Penny-Penalty system (the aliteration was by accident Scouts' Honor!). Whenever he says a "bad" word, he owns me a penny, and if it's really ridiculous then two pennies and so on. This system also works with rule-breaking which has been really effective. So where does a child's need to curse come from? Now coming from me who cusses like a sailor (it's ironic) but still, a serious question! I came across this amazingly well written article on Early Childhood News by Ph.D Timothy Jay about why and what causes children to curse. Very good. A bit dry, but well researched. Basically if you don't plan to read it (which I know you won't but that's okay), its main point is that children's access to so much media and surrounding environment affect how the child registers language and cursing. Kind of self-explanatory right? If you curse, they curse, etc. Though I found a really interesting counterargument on another blog/website about why this particular dad lets his son say whatever he wants. 


His argument? That words are words (which I agree...to an extent) and that if and when kids see that cursing/swearing/blaspheming as forbidden, like Eve...they will take a big ol' bite of that fruit and say "Holy Sh*t Batman, this f*cking apple tastes GREAT!" Okay so maybe not to that full extent, but you get my meaning. Now I get what Mr. Traister is saying, however...there is a certain joy that comes when you are figuring out the appropriate nature/age in which you can curse. Especially in front of your parents. My "coming of cussing age" was 19. Yes. 19. Nearly entering my third year of college. (I still don't curse in front of my dad...that...would be very bad.) 


So what does that mean when it comes to March? Well...I try not to be too "Oh goodness WHYDIDYOUSAYTHATSDMASFJDADFNASDFJ" and instead explain to him what can happen when he uses that type of language. Either way...I still get to keep the pennies he gives me :-P

Why Everyone, Including Adults, Need Time-Outs too (ESPECIALLY when you are 22...)

So kids are funny.

Perhaps it's by design where the size of their craniums don't quite sync up to their body weight so that they just fall over ever...so......slowly. Or maybe it is by sheer accident because their black and white vision allows them to not be so grown up and complicate already discombobulated emotions (there's that English major...). I say this because over the weekend, MANY life factures (both kid and grown-up sized) collided like the good ol' Big Bang. Here's what happened:

I had to spend the previous week dealing with personal family affairs which caused me to have to not only leave town, but leave my babysitting job a day early. Compounded with lady hormones and preexisting life conditions called "I-don't-really-need-to-deal-with-this-motherf*****-s***. Period." I just was having a tough time being around young things. So as you can already forsee, things may not turn out so well. Now I have the fortune of babysitting a brother and sister pair who are 5 years apart. Seeing as they will be the frequent topic of conversation, I shall call the six year old boy March and the 10-nearing-11 year old sister June (I usually only babysit March....I'm a paid playdate essentially! And June is just way too mature for her own good and had a life schedule I secretly envy). March and I have a tenuous relationship in which I often wonder if he is really a forty-six year old man in a little boy body or if he is just bonkers for NO REASON. (I often find that I ask him unbeknownst to my brain 'Who are you March?" to which he will look up at me contemplatively and say "...I'm March D.Babysitter. -Blinks- You're so crazy...". This has actually happened. No, seriously.) Despite this random age/time-vortexy thingy, we usually have a lot of fun together. Like stupid I don't wanna grow-Toys 'R Us fun.

Back to the story. So March misses his father a great deal, who is in LA currently filming tv shows and having essentially my life. What has become apparent is that this "missing a parent syndrome" can manifest in many ways in a little body. Most of them are ugly. And most of them requiring a LOT of patience from you as a babysitter/caregiver. Both things which I didn't have that day. For March, it was a combination of clinging to his Mother and crying at her having to leave him with me, and not listening to me or anyone (which for a six year old he is generally very good about). So, to assuage the time we had left, March and I played Spies. It was very aerodynamic and cardio. And involved Nerf guns. Which was SO EPIC. So June finally finished her homework for the night and joined us. Here is where the pole heads South.  June and March don't get along. At all.  I think this has a lot to do with their 5 year age gap and they don't often play together. But when they do play is it On-like-Donkey-Kong-kids-so-tell-Crash-Bandicoot-to-Move-over. They were rough. And March just couldn't understand that when someone said 'Stop', it was not a suggestion. This my readers, resulted in a March experience a five-min timeout. (Tip of the day: How to make Time Outs Effective.)

I had to sit down and explain to him why the time-out had happened. I found that it was important to really break down that he isn't bad or not good, but that he did something that wasn't good. Differentiation is KEY. This helped him understand that a fun activity stops being fun when not everyone is happy. Now he wasn't too happy about the time out and neither was the mom surprisingly- but that's a different post altogether- and there were probably things I did that weren't so great (cause I'm only 22...yes...yes I am), but all you can do is try. However, I was scared when picking him up from school today that things between us were going to create even more static between us. Sure enough, I walked up to his kindergarden line and he popped up like a Spring Weed and grabbed my hand and off we went to the park where I got a tan, he got sunburned (only slightly!), and we read Star Wars books.

I suppose this really became a lesson about how even adults need time out too. I had to learn things won't always be right when you babysit. Even if you are quite good at it.

The Moment Where You REALLY Question Your Life Choices

I should preface this first post by making the following statement:
                                   ....I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.

I should also preface the aforementioned statement with the following statement:
                ....No one does. Though, some people are very good at presenting
                                                  a semblance of order.

There are many days where I wake up, stressed out and in a severe sweat- something that my sheets and I have had many conversations about- simply worried about how I plan to pay my rent. And my gas and water bill. And my credit card bill. And that sponsorship for a child in Equador or the DR I managed to get talked into on the street. Oh...and that pesky little thing called Student Loans. (grrrrr.....) One thing that your Provost/College President/Big Kahuna of the Academic kind doesn't tell you during your commencement (I went to a LibArts college and this is the apparent name for when you get your degree) ceremony is that, getting a job out of college is easy...in theory. Or rather....MY College President didn't tell me that (granted I may have kind of, sort of, nappedduringtheceremonywhatever).

So after college, I wanted to be a big kid and move out of my parents' house from Jersey and to New York. With $500 in my bank account post graduation. Not the smoothest move, but hey, I didn't major in mathematics. (African American Studies and English majors and Studio Art minor respectively thank you very much) Anywho,  let's just say that within a period of 4 hours that $500- which is quite a lot of money when you're in Nowhere, OH doing Not So Much- went Bye Bye faster than Birdie. Therefore, in order to make sure I didn't die of COMPLETE starvation (let's call it "functional hunger") while I had my trusty internship at hand, because said internship at the time only paid about $55 per WEEK, I had to succumb to the powers that be of the financial kind...

I became a babysitter. An awesome one at that. To which I will tell you next time...(insert maniacal laughter)